Tavern In the Mist

Overheard in a bar, somewhere..anywhere.....

Guy: "Hi, I saw you over here from across the room and found myself significantly stirred by that

experience. If we banter long enough for me to ascertain that you're not a nut-clipping bitch, I

think it would be a great idea for us to engage in some highly sensual activities real soon, maybe

like now. "

Woman: "Maybe that would be nice of you to say so in some primitive part of the planet where

they would offer a dead antelope as a form of proposal, but as for me, one who has been bitterly

betrayed recently and have enough baggage for 2 U-Haul trailers, the idea of engaging in anything

remotely intimate at this point  has quite the putrid bouquet to it, but thanks."

Guy: "Oh, the grief  'entree, yes, I've heard of it served up in some of the seamier establishments, an

'all you can feel' for $5.99 kinda place. Leaves a bad taste, I hear. Well, luv, no cause to fret. My

feelings have a condom for all occasions, the thin, latexy sort of mentality capable of justifying

all forms of behaviour, even this unconsciously desparate manuevering I'm partaking of right now."

Woman: "As charming as all that would sound to a famished Aborigine woman dying of tiger claw

slashes, I have to tend to the 'residue' of my last yummy little heart gouge who are clamoring at

home as we speak for some morsel of attention. I just wanted to fend off an advance of two

before I went back into the fray and this feeble, tepid encounter will have to suffice."

Guy: "Surely there's Nintendo that the 'residue' as you call them, could imbibe in long enough

for us to dispense with our clothing and last shred of self-regard. I had envisioned something only

slightly deeper than Internet porn this weekend and I'd be willing to purchase enough alcohol to

delete your discriminating capabilities which seem a tad overdeveloped anyway. That urgent is

my quest for anything resembling validation."

Woman: "As fulfilling as this would be for a relapsing member of AA whose cirrotic liver was

about to explode, my abandonment issues are faxing me a memo that hint of the fact you've

clicked on to the wrong webpage, Homer. Aside from my estrogen and lithiun levels dwindling as

we speak, I'm having major trouble even trying to conjure up images of us in anything similar

to two souls in the sweet rapture of union. Better stick to Lisa and Debbie at EatMe.com, my  friend."

Guy: "Well, this isn't panning out so as to entice suspended disbelief, is it? Seems a little romance is

in order. If you'll give me your number, I'd be glad to stalk you for a week and leave suggestive

messages to create a bit of ambience. Other than that, I'll move on for the moment and let you get

on with your self-imposed sentence. I need to rustle up some company for the evening. It's been

real. Oh, and thanks for breaking up the tedium of my predictable existence."

Woman: "Hey, glad to help. I was ready to swallow twenty Seconal before you came over, but now

my being seems so refreshed, I think five will do the trick. Here's my number and don't get too

sick and out there on the machine, the kids might hear and I would never want them to know I

was ever this far out of options. Say hi to Lisa and Debbie."